“How the whole world is conspiring to shower you with blessings… Have you ever been loved? I bet you have been loved so much and so deeply that you have become blasé about the enormity of the grace it confers. So let me remind you: To be loved is a privilege and prize equivalent to being born. If you’re smart, you pause regularly to bask in the astonishing knowledge that there are many people out there who care for you and want you to thrive and hold you in their thoughts with fondness…. You are awash in torrents of love”—
Tying a man’s tie for him. An act that I had not, until this morning, ever done. Years of seeing my dad tie his own, maybe occasionally seeing my mom straighten it, I noticed the care that goes into the tying.
Today, I helped a friend. Admittedly, as we stood next to one another and I re-watched the video, and re-read the instructions I giggled. I was tired. The week had taken a lot out of me. I had to button, unbutton, straighten, smooth, fix. My demeanor became serious. Four tries until finally the length was perfect, no twisting or puckering, the collar lay perfectly. I buttoned, worked, and laid the tie flat.
Then the moment our eyes met and my hands left the tie the intimacy of the moment was gone. The memories of our once shared attraction immediately dissolving into the awkward realization that we were not meant to be. The intimate act of tying a tie, but for a man who is not yours to be intimate with.
The regret, as I walked from the building, ignoring sidewalks and paths, through the rugby practice field, boots getting wet, mist laying across the Pennsylvania countryside. I smiled sadly, because I knew that I wanted that first time I tied a man’s tie, helped him ready for his day, I wanted it to be with someone who was fully mine, and me fully his.
But, I suppose there are other types of knots. I may know how to tie a four in hand, but I am sure I will find a man who prefers me, and a different knot.
Friends question age’s life confusion Ready, not ready, take fear, anger, sex, tears Oops, love soothes too well Seems now my first real breath Answer, secret to life’s always punctual, Early morning visits Both must keep early love in each eye constant Both must keep early love in each eye constant
1. Tell them about their brilliance. They likely can’t see it and they don’t know its immensity, but you can see it, and you can illuminate it for them.
2.Be authentic, and give others the gift of the real you and a real relationship. Ask your real questions. Share your real beliefs. Go for your real dreams. Tell your truth.
3. Don’t confuse “authenticity” with sharing every complaint, resentment, or petty reaction in the name of “being yourself.”Meditate, write, or do yoga to work through anxiety, resentment, and stress on your own so you don’t hand off those negative moods to everyone around you. Sure, share sadness, honest dilemmas, and fears, but be mindful: don’t pollute.
4. Listen, listen, listen. Don’t listen to determine if you agree or disagree. Listen to get to know what is true for the person in front of you. Get to know an inner landscape that is different from your own, and enjoy the journey. Remember that if, in any conversation, nothing piqued your curiosity and nothing surprised you, you weren’t really listening.
5. Don’t waste your time or energy thinking about how they need to be different. Really. Chuck that whole thing. Their habits are their habits. Their personalities are their personalities. Let them be, and work on what you want to change about you—not what you think would be good to change about them.
6. Remember that you don’t have to understand their choices to respect or accept them.
7. Don’t conflate accepting with being a doormat or betraying yourself. Let them be who they are, entirely. Then, you decide what you need, in light of who they are. Do you need to make a direct request that they change their behavior in some way? Do you need to take care of yourself better? Do you need to set a boundary or to change the relationship? Take care of yourself well, without holding anyone else in contempt.
8. Give of yourself, but never sacrifice or compromise yourself. Stop if resentment is building and retool. Don’t do the martyr thing. It helps no one and nothing.
9. Remember that everyone you encounter was created by divine intelligence and has an important role to play in the universe.Treat them as such.
10. If you want to keep growing emotionally and spiritually for the rest of your life, accept this as your mantra and try to live as if it were true: Everything that I experience from another human being is either love, or a call for love.
“We all strive to be different, unique, special but the funniest thing is we gauge our uniqueness against everyone else. Truly, what would be unique and different is if we didn’t compare ourselves to the others.”—
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”—F. Scott Fitzgerald (via thatkindofwoman)
“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.”—